The best things in this world often require them. How else do we deal with this world of uncertainties? Behavioral economists correctly note the obvious: we all want certainties in our lives, but perhaps that is just because we always want what we don’t have, and that is most certainly one of the things this world does not afford us, along with immortality. An interesting thought, if we had one of these, would we also want the other? Say, if you could be immortal, then uncertainty wouldn’t be so bad, would it? It’s the very fact that we only live once, for a definite period, that we are so afraid of the uncertainties. We want to minimize mistakes, regrets, and get things right the first time and not let once in a life time opportunities slip by. But if we could live forever, would that still matter as much? I suppose ti would still matter to a degree, since nothing really repeats itself exactly. So having infinite number of chances doesn’t mean you can have the exactly same chance twice, and living forever isn’t quite the same as going back in time and reliving the same life. But I digress…
Exactly what makes these two things difficult? The uncertainties or our desire for acquiring utility now? Probably both. But we have no control on time, or chance. So given the circumstances and facts of life, it is perhaps that we wait and hope for the best; however gruelling and difficult.
So I’ve come to accept that I’m going to make mistakes as long as I live. It’s probably not a good idea to beat myself up over the mistakes I’ve already made or let it lead to self-doubt. Regardless of what I have decided and done, life moves on. No matter what, I’m still alive, and there’s still tomorrow. It doesn’t matter that I’m 20, or more than half way through college, I could be 80, but as long as I live, I might as well be prospective and not be brought down too much by what I can’t change.
By all account, I’m happy enough. I’m not perfectly happy, but when have I ever been perfectly happy? Yet I can’t ignore the missing piece- the missing person -that makes life feel incomplete in its absence. I’m trying to get used to it, though I can’t say if I’m successful. In my most optimistic moments, I try to tell myself in time everything will be okay, and this makes us stronger. But there are always those moments when I can’t stop myself from wondering why I chose this and if I could indeed survive this for much longer.
it sounds like they’re making you stay next semester? or are you just having reflective moment? regardless, you’ll survive, that’s for sure =)