Summer, not quite.

There is no doubt that summer is officially here. I’ve finally given in and decided to move my sweaters to the suitcases, because I’m simply don’t have enough hangers for the newly added summer wardrobe and the closet is starting to look a bit claustrophobic. This could also be the start of…packing. Packing up my life here at Duke for the very last time. It’s going to a sad exercise.

But I’m not quite done yet. Before I can throw my hands up in celebration for the completion of this semester, and college, there are just several more papers and one last final to be done. And then…and then it’s graduation, saying goodbyes, and going home. I don’t think I ever imagined college graduation very much. I kind of stopped anticipating the future because I got too busy figuring out the present. I remember all through out high school I impatiently waited and dreamed of college; in fact, my whole life I’ve looked forward and fantasized about college. Once I got here, the dreaming, the fantasizing just all stopped. Staying on top of the present was enough to occupy all of my thoughts, tomorrow will come, and usually sooner than I expected.

After this summer I won’t be coming back. Somehow, I imagined four years to last a bit longer than this.

Too comfortable

If you know me well, and you probably do if you are reading this, then you know I’m a creature of comfort. But apparently that only applies to physical comfort. Maybe my penchant for getting easily bored trumps prevents me from simply enjoying being in my comfort zone for too long. Or maybe I’m still to young to…what is it, “settle”, is that what they call it?

That’s why as much as I love Duke and as comfortable and competent as I feel in this lovely bubble, I need to move on. Don’t get me wrong, I fully appreciate the last bit of my existence here. It’s wonderful: I can perfectly juggle five classes without breaking a sweat (I have been doing it, and more, for the past three years after all); I complain about my workload, but honestly I’m never really stressed. I might work nonstop for days or have one paper after another, but I wouldn’t really call it tough. I’m certainly challenged my classes, but I know how to handle these challenges and I’m never overwhelmed. But that’s just it, maybe I want to be overwhelmed. Maybe I feel just a bit too comfortable.

I probably won’t feel this way for the rest of my life; eventually, I will want to settle comfortably into a routine, but that’s not today, or anytime soon. There is still too much out there for me to learn. I still have too much potential unfulfilled. I am, in a word, still un-established. So before then, before I have something significant and substantial attached to my name, my identity, I can’t settle. I need to move forward, to continue pushing my limits and venture outside of my comfort zones. It will be painful, it will be stressful, and I will probably feel miserable at times, but that’s how you grow.

Am I scared? Hell yes. Am I excited? Absolutely.

it’s just getting started, and i’m already tired.

story of my final week. 

studying together is like the only “fun” way to study, if there ever was. Although I’m not sure how much of the studying last night actually helped on today’s final. What else is new?

At least I’m done with the longer paper of the two. Yay. Schedule for the rest of the week:

Tonight: write up take-home final for PhilLit

Tues: turn in paper + final for PhilLi, write paper for Metaphysics, study for metaphysics midterm, and LSAT class

Wed: turn in paper for metaphysics, take meta midterm, start studying for logic

Thurs: start packing, finish logic, LSAT, random shit i have to take care of.

Fri: hopefully a trip to southpoint and relax.

Sat: logic final, finish packing?

Weekend: possibly going to Atlanta to pick up mom’s car?

Oh, registration…

Tentative list of classes for the Fall (with estimated certainty factors in % and deciding factors in italics):

Law & Economics 75%

final grade from game theory

Renaissance History 65&

Grading and work level

Greek Art/Architecture 65%

Professor quality

Chinese 195 75%

If I don’t get kicked out, and hopefully the class doesn’t actually meet for 5hrs/wk

Golf 70%

If I can get one of my friends to take it with me at the same time.