All of a sudden 2009 seems so dated. Here we are at the turn of a decade and honestly, it feels just like another new year. The rush of need to come up with novel resolutions in the hopes of becoming a better person consumes me while I secretly wonder about the practicality and meaning of this ritual. Then I look back at 2009, and wonder how I can best generalize the last 365 days into a few insightful conclusions.
It was the best year I have ever had in terms of GPA, but I wonder why it does not translate into any sense of accomplishment. To be honest, 2009 seemed a bit disappointing. I suppose I grew up somewhat, but the idea of really growing up still terrifies me. It’s strange, but I sometimes wonder what the hell have i been busy pursuing the entire year? The papers, and projects, and problem sets that consumed my days at Duke lead to nothing but a 4-digit number on ACES. The knowledge and skills, if you could even call them as such, that I’ve acquired only quickly fade away as I board the plane on my way home. So I’m left with a number that I can’t complain about, but nor do I feel particularly accomplished. Maybe I just need to do something practical and see my knowledge transformed into more material than a number. I think my sense of lack of accomplishment comes from the fact that I don’t really know what I’m good at, I mean really good at. For much of my college career all I wanted was to get that 4.0 while also taking classes I found interesting and useful, and now that I have for the entire year, it all seem so meaningless and insignificant.
Maybe I’m outgrowing this whole college thing. I guess it’s really time to graduate.