by Halley

Randy Pausch

If you read either NYT or WSJ, you’ve probably have heard of the story of Randy Pausch at least once. If you haven’t, he was a computer science professor from Carneige Mellon who recently died of pancreatic cancer. Last Septmeber, he gave a Last Lecture at the University, saying goodbye to his “work family” and talking about life lessons to an auditorium filled to the limit with 400 people. Ever since this video became available on the web, and WSJ published an article of him, Randy has become a celebrity, with the nick name of St. Randy (a title he vehemently denies).

Why am I bringing this up, instead of just posting a link or two? From the beginning, this reminded of one of my favorite books, Tuesdays With Morie, also about a dying professor and his last words on life, love, and dying, etc. But the story about Randy is is somewhat different, however. For one, he was young, not even 40. He had a wife, whom he was married to for only 8 years, and three young children who will have very blurred memories of him, if at all (his daughter is only 2). While it is equally tragic, Randy’s last days were in many ways more difficult. Dying at a young age usually had such consequences.

A book has been published, co-written by Randy and Jeff Zaslow, a WSJ who wrote that first article on his story. I’ll be reading this in the next month or two, at the latest. I’m also looking forward to watching the famous video of his Last Lecture. (I’ll make sure to have plenty of tissues next to me.) But aside from all the poignancy, insights, and my penchant for advices from dying professors, one last thing struck me: I have used his famous programming software, Alice. A ingenius product created by him to teach high school and college students how to program. I was introduced to this during my AP Computer Science class in my senior year of high school and we all thought it was pretty brilliant, but I never thought he’d die of pancreatic cancer only two years later, or that his story would inspire millions of people, or that he would become St. Randy.

by Halley

Listless, bored.

Every once in a while I would get this terrible feeling: extremely bored and having no clue what to do with myself. The most accurate description might be something like the feeling of emptiness. I would find not pleasure in talking with others, b/c every topic that would come to mind would only be trite and superficial. Reading would fail to intrigue me and draw me in, and no matter what, I feel this hollowness in me that precludes me from truly being absorbed. There is nothing to do, nowhere to go; I’d want to escape all of this, but where to? how?

Before I know it, I seem to be wrapped up in all of the worst emotions one can have: loneliness, boredom, worthlessness; I begin to list all the imperfections of myself, my life, and whatever else might make their ways into my twisted mind at the moment. It’s something close to the feeling one might have if all the lights seem to go out and you are left grasping desperately in the dark. Confronted with this sudden emptiness, one can feel so utterly helpless. One of the worst things in life is probably find no meaning, significance, or the slightest interest in anything…and this is something that like it.

I would try to sleep, but of course slumber would not come. I would try to write, but the words all seem so silly and idiotic, and I could never find the right words anyway. So every attempt to escape, to ameliorate the situation, only serves to make it infinitely worse. Every thwarted attempt is like a cruel joker, smiling contemptuously at me in the most mocking, infuriating manner; how I wish to slap it in the face.

What shall I do? What shall I do?!

Maybe I will take a shower. I hate this mechanical act of filling up one’s precious time, (but how it is really more detestable than precious at the moment). Maybe I will eat something too. I am hungry; dinner was horrendous.

by Halley

Just stop.

I can’t count the number of articles I’ve seen on NYT talking about the upcoming Beijing Olympics, yet I think I only remember maybe two positive entries. Every other article focuses on the pollution in Beijing, China’s treatment of human rights, and whatever other problems and issues they can find to throw a negative light on Beijing, China, and the Chinese government. I have kept my thoughts to largely to myself and only occasionally voiced them to close friends, but I think I’m going to say something now.

Let me begin by stating that I have no problem with any media issueing criticisms; in fact, that is one of the major roles of media. However, that does not justify the highly biased mannor in which these attacks are thrown at China, and with increasing frequency as the Games approach nearer. I don’t think it takes a genius to realize that there is more to the large number of negative articles on China, it’s is clearly create attention, and not in any way positive. Even now, four days from the opening ceremony, there are articles questioning if Beijing should hold the Olympics at all.

I don’t mind if these criticisms were checked by some kind of attempt at objectivity, or a couple of more articles focused more on how much China has done in preparation for the Games. It’s natural for people to want to pay more attention to the country and the city that is hosting the Olympics, but really, must the media be so painfully biased in its representation? Isn’t there some kind of obligation to at least try to present a balanced view? Apparently not.

I have no illusion that Beijing is a perfect city, or that the Chinese government has no problem whatsoever. But couldn’t I say the same about just any other city or government in the world? I have to admit that I haven’t paid much attention to the media coverage of other Olympics; I vaguely remember the general fear that Athens was not prepared for the Olympics. But has the media coverage of every host city always been so negative? Everyone knows that the Games are meant to promote peace and international diplomacy and, but is this hightened scrutiny of every flaw of the host city really necessary?

Some argue that the Game was offered to Beijing with hopes of China making improvements and becoming a better nation, well it has, yet I’ve only read one such article among dozens recognizing these achievements. I’m not asking for every article to pat China on the head and shower it with compliments, but really, enough with all these talks of human rights and the pollution. I think we have all heard of these arguments hundreds of times before, and bringing them up again and again just days before the Game does not benefit anyone. It can only been seen as an insensitive way of using the Olympics to garner attention. The Games should be used to draw attention to the country, the culture, and even its problems, but let’s not only focus on the flaws and perhaps try to appreciate its many better aspects more.

by Halley

Phases

We all go through phases, and each time I do, I tend to begin a new blog. So yes, I have had half a dozen blogs since beginning of high school. My first one was Xanga, and I still have the account, though I have not posted there for months. I also wrote on Live Journal for a few months, before going back to Xanga. Somewhere in junior year of high school, I was introduced to Blogger, which I still write in regularly. The summer before college I started another blog in Vox. It was a summer of lots of movies and books, so naturally the blog was dedicated to reviews mostly and anything related to what I have read or watched. Then college started, and as any college student would tell you, there is little time for reading for pleasure, and so I eventually ceased posting there too (until today). This summer with half a dozen friends or so being abroad, we decided to keep each other updated through traveling blogs. So I added another Blogger site to my account and have been faithfully updating thus far. You might ask, with two active blogs, and two inactive one, and an almost-forgotten LiveJournal account, why am I starting another one? This time on WordPress? Is it really a matter of necessity, or is it more like my shopping habits – merely getting something because it seems fashionable, though completely unnecessary? Possibly the latter, but maybe it’s something else too. Maybe there is something alluring about new starts, clean slates. Maybe it’s reflective of my easily bored personality, always wanting to explore newer things, always curious about what I don’t have.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being fascinated by the new and wanting to explore the unknown, or so I tell myself. But there is no good excuse for constantly starting new things, and then abandoning them in a matter of months or years at best. So my new resolution? I won’t start something unless I have a very good reason to (but you say I will always manage to come up with good reasons? Well, perhaps.). More importantly, I will do my best to actually keep up with these blogs. I will make it my personal goal to write in each of them on a regular basis. Although I think I have finally given up on Xanga, after more than five years, it has simply become too…cluttered. But I have every intention of keeping up my Vox, Blogger, and this one. That means I will dutifully write reviews when I read or watch something worthwhile writing about. The traveling blog will no doubt be updated since I will have another year in Europe. I’m not quite sure what I will do with that one after next year, but I am sure I will figure out something when the time comes. Besides, even if I should stop writing there after next year, it will still stand nicely as an indepent project: a record of my time here in Europe. Sprezzatura will surely always be there, I don’t think I will stop having emo moments or drama in my life anytime soon.

What is the purpose of this one then? Well, in all honesty, I intend this to be a replacement for Xanga. In some ways, I might have grown out of Xanga. It was a good beginning to my blogging experience and it will always contain my many contemplations, complaints, and musings as a teengager, but let it end there. This will mark a new beginning. What should I call it, the post-teenage phase? the young adult phase? they all sound so…awkward. Well, whatever it may be, it is new and therefore, exciting. I have this vision of this blog being a grown-up version of what my Xanga used to be, but who am I kidding? I can’t even begin to use those two words to describe myself without ending in extreme self mockery. So maybe my age begins with a 2 instead of 1, and I have become slightly less stupid, I am not quite ready to use such responsibility-ridden adjectives.