by Halley

april heat

The heat makes my head spin, the sunlight is blinding, the sudden greenness is almost overwhelming, and the entire world seems engulfed in pollen. These are the last days of Duke, the last days of a stage. I still remember the first time I saw the campus, it wasn’t all that different: unbelievably green, lush flowers blooming, beautiful gothic architecture, and the stifling heat waves. Of course, I’m different. I remember the excitement, the anticipation and the curiosity I held as I roamed the campus, getting lost and then finding my ways again. Strictly speaking, I should still feel excitement, anticipation and curiosity, and I do to some degree. But there’s also a good dose of apprehension, though tempered by optimism, about the future that I did not have before.

This anxiety, I’m sure, is just a temporary thing. The present will always have more hold upon me than past or future.

Although I still remember it used to snow in Cleveland in April.

by Halley

FAIL.

So I was just walking merrily to my Chinese class, loving the warm weather and everything. Then my Chinese teacher comes up to me and asks me how I was doing, to which I replied “pretty good.” But then he asked me if I ready…at which point I asked, “ready for what…?” And that is how I discovered that I completely and utterly forgot about the quiz today O_O, and to have your teacher being the one to tell you…let’s just say it wasn’t one of my finest moments -_-;;

On the other hand, I’m still loving the warm weather (finally!!!) and the fact that it’s St. Patrick’s Day (b/c I got an awesome hazelnut irish cream latte :D).

Happy spring everyone 🙂

by Halley

Too comfortable

If you know me well, and you probably do if you are reading this, then you know I’m a creature of comfort. But apparently that only applies to physical comfort. Maybe my penchant for getting easily bored trumps prevents me from simply enjoying being in my comfort zone for too long. Or maybe I’m still to young to…what is it, “settle”, is that what they call it?

That’s why as much as I love Duke and as comfortable and competent as I feel in this lovely bubble, I need to move on. Don’t get me wrong, I fully appreciate the last bit of my existence here. It’s wonderful: I can perfectly juggle five classes without breaking a sweat (I have been doing it, and more, for the past three years after all); I complain about my workload, but honestly I’m never really stressed. I might work nonstop for days or have one paper after another, but I wouldn’t really call it tough. I’m certainly challenged my classes, but I know how to handle these challenges and I’m never overwhelmed. But that’s just it, maybe I want to be overwhelmed. Maybe I feel just a bit too comfortable.

I probably won’t feel this way for the rest of my life; eventually, I will want to settle comfortably into a routine, but that’s not today, or anytime soon. There is still too much out there for me to learn. I still have too much potential unfulfilled. I am, in a word, still un-established. So before then, before I have something significant and substantial attached to my name, my identity, I can’t settle. I need to move forward, to continue pushing my limits and venture outside of my comfort zones. It will be painful, it will be stressful, and I will probably feel miserable at times, but that’s how you grow.

Am I scared? Hell yes. Am I excited? Absolutely.

by Halley

Letting go

Sometimes, the hardest decisions involve choosing to let go, choosing to say no. Anyone who has had the slightest encounter with economics is familiar with the idea of “sunk cost”, yet even the most astute of us will sometimes forget this simple principle. I grew up being told to never give up, but the truth is sometimes, that is better option. Giving up is not always the easy way out, in fact many times it is much harder to make that decision than to just plunge ahead.

This is not the first time I have found myself taking up too many commitments, but I am going to do damage control before it’s too late this time. I’m not going to let my pride get the of me anymore. Ambition can kill; it’s time for me to be more realistic.

Don’t bite off more than you can swallow. I’ve been told this since I was a little kid, and I’m finally beginning to take it to heart.

Totally unrelated: I love Pandora Radio, what would I do without it?