Author / Halley

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Posts by Halley

I’m the creator of Chiaroscuro, where I write about an array of topics, ranging from philosophy and psychology to fashion and food. Underlying all my interests is my passion for understanding people and how they live. I’m fascinated by the beauty and connections found in everyday life, and my goal is to highlight and share them in personal and meaningful ways.
by Halley

I don’t think I will ever learn

 to say goodbye. no matter how many times I do it, I’m never very good at it. The amount of gravity and emotions involved is never quite right. It’s always either too nonchalant or too teary. How do I strike that perfect balance? How many times must I say goodbye to master this skill perfectly?

If I could choose, I’d choose to never say those words ever again. But that’s not gonna happen.

I have been very lucky to have been here, despite of everything. More than the buildings, the attractions, the so called ‘cultural experience’, the most memorable thing that I shall bring home with me is your friendship. 

by Halley

Nostalgic

I like catching up with old friends. I’m not terribly good at keeping in touch with friends; most of the times, I simply don’t feel the desire to talk to most people. Then there are moments when it suddenly hits me that I haven’t talked to so and so for a very long time. It’s always good when I do start a conversation with these friends and realize halfway through that even though much has changed, we still have the same chemistry as before. It reminds me that no matter how much we change, deep inside, we remain more or less the same people that we’ve always been. Of course, if you allow too much time to lapse without any form of contact, the gap might be too large to bridge. No one should expect anyone to still care about someone that they have no spoken to in a year or longer, but it’s always a pleasant surprise when they do and you pick up exactly where you left off (sorta).

That’s one thing about having been in a lot of places. I have all these different groups of friends, people I met at different times and places of my life. Friends from childhood, from China, from colorado, from Atlanta, from Solon, from Duke, from beijing, from Greece, from oxford, and now from London. Unfortunately I haven’t been able very good with keeping in contact with half of the friends I’ve made, either due to laziness or mere carelessness. But I don’t want that to be the case anymore. It’s not easy to make friends, and even if it is (which has surprisingly been the case for me in london), I still believe friendships are precious and should never be taken lightly or for granted. I’m someone who could never live alone, and I derive such a significant amount of happiness and meaning in life from my relationships with people. 

Hmm…i have no idea how I ended up talking about friends…. What I wanted to do was merely remarking on looking through pictures from the past two years and reminiscing. I like to look back on my life and pick out the brighter moments and savour the happy memories. There’s something very alluring to nostalgia, it’s almost like reliving the past, but in a very selective and indulgent way. The painful segments are no longer painful enough to make you cry, but the happy ones can still make you smile. Ultimately, it makes me much more optimistic about the future. Or maybe I’m just in an optimistc mood.

by Halley

Mondays

Looking at my posting calendar I see a pattern: I like to write on mondays. And today is no different. I didn’t even realize I was once again affirming the habbit until the mouse was inches away from New Post. What is it about this day of the week that pulls me towards here? Maybe one of these days, a Monday probably, I will find the answer.

But the reason I’m here wasn’t because it’s monday (coincidental? maybe). I came back from school around half past 3. The weather has gotten increasingly cold; I thought it’d never drop to the low 40’s in London. Wishful thinking, I know. In any case, the warmth in my room was welcoming (unlike the chill I received last night when I came back and realized I had left the windows open and the heat was turned off). So I sat here in front of my computer, enjoying the return of internet (you have no idea how much I abhor the internet system here), while I leisurely read through NYTimes articles (topics ranged from lawyering abroad to holocaust to sex) and sipping honey water. After having sufficiently devoured through all the interesting but not world-politics-related content of NYT, I swithed to the world of my friends’ blogs and faithfully read every updates and entries, and left comments when I felt compelled to say something. 

All the while, I’m contemplating a series of problems in my life and possible solutions, decisions made and to be made, people I care and miss, friends I’m leaving and returning to, love, life, career, future, past, present, innocence, sophistication, growing up, and all the things a typical 20-year-old would think about on a Monday afternoon I suppose.

And now I shall go nap.

by Halley

anytime but now

I really don’t want to write this paper. I can’t remember ever being so averse to a philosophy paper. Maybe I’m just really not meant to be here, or maybe it’s b/c I don’t want to be here that makes more critical than usual. Either case, I just don’t want to write this damn paper. And since when is there an absolute minimum for a philosophy paper?!

So instead, I’m procrastinating indefinitely. Looking through old pictures and being nostalgic (what else is new?). I’m flipping (metaphorically speaking) through pictures of spring and autumn at Duke. I’m remembering the day I spent deliberatingly sitting on fallen leaves just to create a picturesque moment. I’m thinking back to the many times I spent taking pictures at WaDuke. I’m looking through pictures of me as a freshman and sophomore, and wondering if I really looked younger back then or if it’s just me. And I’m looking at bared legs and arms and airy summer dresses and wishing for 70+ degree weather. In the end, I still like the warmer weather better.

But I’m looking forward to this Xmas. I can’t quite remember what happened on the last one. It must not have been spectacular. There was no xmas party, at least no picture to stir my memory. So more reason for my looking forward to the holiday season this year. To snow, to my friends, to the one I love. I’m dreaming of afternoons spent in a snow covered park, laughing and snapping away with my camera, while complaining of the merciless cold. I’m dreaming of rosy cheeks, seeing my breath in the air, losing feelings in my ears and nose, but always finding warmth in a friend’s laughter, a lover’s embrace, and a cup of mocha. I’m dreaming of finally returning to the place, the people, and the life I have left behind and miss beyond words. 

They will come in less than a month, in less than four weeks, in just 27 days. But oh I wish it would come sooner.