anytime but now

I really don’t want to write this paper. I can’t remember ever being so averse to a philosophy paper. Maybe I’m just really not meant to be here, or maybe it’s b/c I don’t want to be here that makes more critical than usual. Either case, I just don’t want to write this damn paper. And since when is there an absolute minimum for a philosophy paper?!

So instead, I’m procrastinating indefinitely. Looking through old pictures and being nostalgic (what else is new?). I’m flipping (metaphorically speaking) through pictures of spring and autumn at Duke. I’m remembering the day I spent deliberatingly sitting on fallen leaves just to create a picturesque moment. I’m thinking back to the many times I spent taking pictures at WaDuke. I’m looking through pictures of me as a freshman and sophomore, and wondering if I really looked younger back then or if it’s just me. And I’m looking at bared legs and arms and airy summer dresses and wishing for 70+ degree weather. In the end, I still like the warmer weather better.

But I’m looking forward to this Xmas. I can’t quite remember what happened on the last one. It must not have been spectacular. There was no xmas party, at least no picture to stir my memory. So more reason for my looking forward to the holiday season this year. To snow, to my friends, to the one I love. I’m dreaming of afternoons spent in a snow covered park, laughing and snapping away with my camera, while complaining of the merciless cold. I’m dreaming of rosy cheeks, seeing my breath in the air, losing feelings in my ears and nose, but always finding warmth in a friend’s laughter, a lover’s embrace, and a cup of mocha. I’m dreaming of finally returning to the place, the people, and the life I have left behind and miss beyond words. 

They will come in less than a month, in less than four weeks, in just 27 days. But oh I wish it would come sooner.

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