have been experimenting with this popular mineral make-up. So far it’s been pretty good 🙂

two things i really missed this summer:

girl time w/ my girl friends
hanging out w/ my cleveland friends

1. talk to my dean about wavering at least one writing requirement
2. talk to the pre-law dean about my future, i.e. law school applications
3. get a job
4. finalize my course selection
5. settle on a schedule and stick to it
6. work work work
7. catch up w/ friends
8. play tennis

This is nothing like I’ve ever anticipated. It has no resemblance whatsoever to senior year of high school, though I don’t know why I should think it would. The mess of feelings are so entangled I’m not sure if I could even identify and make sense of half of them. Fear, uncertainty, pressure, maybe a little excitement? I wonder why I failed to see any of these when I stared at the faces of seniors three years ago. They all seemed so confident, those feelings were mine and couldn’t posssibly belong to these men and women who were so wise with experience. Yet I feel not even remotely wise, or confident for that matter.

I’m not even bothered by regrets anymore. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past three years, it’s how not to be kept awake in the dead of the night by countless of regrets. They are pernicious things and nothing will drive them away except coming to terms with them. I make mistakes, but I still have to move on with the rest of my life.

But I have not come to terms with this looming fear yet. Fear of leaving college; of the uncertainty of next step; of not successfully jumping through the next hoop; of falling behind in this invisible race against I-Don’t-Know-Who; of never being able to live the life I’ve aspired; of missing out on things that I will never have a chance to re-do. They always say everything will be okay in the end, but the beginning can nevertheless be as terrifying as ever.

received: sennheiser mic, nikon coolpix p4 (under $100, not comparable to my lost Canon G9, but I don’t feel like spending more than $100 on a compact right now. the p4 is gives decent quality pictures for the price).

returned: sennheiser mic (mom didn’t like it…*tears*)

waiting on: EsteeLauder order (actually for my mom, but I get major dips on the gifts which include a 7-shade eyeshadow palette); wireless microsoft keyboard and mouse (awesome deal: under $20 after shipping); sennheiser eyerbuds (again, under $20. my ipod experience should def. be upgraded); bareEscentials sample matte foundation (free, $1 for shipping, two shades and two brushes!)

I should prob. order books for school.