As much as we all seek love, understanding love and more importantly, knowing how to love, can be elusive. What I know about love is largely shaped by three individuals: my mother, my best friend, and my husband. Together, they have shown me what love is and how to love. I could never thank them enough for their infinite wisdom, kindness, and yes, love. By sharing the insights I learned from them, I hope to pay it forward and help others find the love they deserve. Continue reading →
One of the hardest things I had to learn about relationships was love is not enough. Like many other lessons this one seems painfully obvious once learned, but not at all otherwise. After all, “Love is all you need” sounds much more romantic. I still remember the way I struggled with “defining” love as a teenager and in my early 20s. At the height of each new relationship I was convinced that I had finally figured out what love really was, only to find myself back at square 1 when it ended. After a few rounds I finally gave up on the notion of “one true meaning of love” and settled for the belief that it will probably keep evolving as I kept learning. Underlying my search for the “true meaning of love”, I think, was this mistaken belief that true love meant forever, that love was both necessary and sufficient for a relationship to work out. It took more than a decade and a handful of break-ups for me to realize how misleading that belief was. Continue reading →
Hard decisions are hard for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s a choice between two options that are equally appealing. Other times it’s the opposite: you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes they are hard because the stakes are so high and there doesn’t seem to be room for mistakes. Other times you feel overwhelmed by the uncertainties and risks. Often it’s some combination of all of the above.
I have been giving this a lot of thoughts lately, probably because my husband and I have had to make some hard decisions, and I have also seen some of my friends and family members going through similar struggles. Maybe it’s the life stage my peers and I are in (late 20s to early 30s) that presents us with a lot of these hard decisions, or maybe it’s just life itself. My guess is 20s is when most people start to make some hard decisions, and it doesn’t really stop from there. Hopefully as people grow and learn they become better at making the hard decisions, but I’m not sure if they ever really get “easier” per se.
Reflecting upon these hard decisions, I have come up with some insights to share:
While driving to work this morning, I listened to a podcast by Adam Grant on learning how to love criticism (great podcast, by the way, highly recommend). Ray Dalio from Bridgewater was a guest on the show, so the concept of radical honesty came up. This wasn’t the first time I had heard of the controversial practice, but the timing was…fortuitous. I was scheduled to have my quarterly meeting with the head of our group today, and I had been contemplating what to discuss with her. More specifically, I had been wondering just how honest I should be. Continue reading →