One of the hardest things I had to learn about relationships was love is not enough. Like many other lessons this one seems painfully obvious once learned, but not at all otherwise. After all, “Love is all you need” sounds much more romantic. I still remember the way I struggled with “defining” love as a teenager and in my early 20s. At the height of each new relationship I was convinced that I had finally figured out what love really was, only to find myself back at square 1 when it ended. After a few rounds I finally gave up on the notion of “one true meaning of love” and settled for the belief that it will probably keep evolving as I kept learning. Underlying my search for the “true meaning of love”, I think, was this mistaken belief that true love meant forever, that love was both necessary and sufficient for a relationship to work out. It took more than a decade and a handful of break-ups for me to realize how misleading that belief was. Continue reading →
Even before I got engaged I had heard numerous comments about weddings from friends, colleagues, acquaintances. These stories and advice ended up being extremely helpful, not only during the planning process, but also helping me getting the most out the actual day: Continue reading →
This past weekend, Vincent and I celebrated our marriage in Newport, Rhode Island with 50 of our closest friends and families. May 12 was without a doubt one of the most magical and memorable days of our lives. It was everything I had wanted it to be and more.
To recap the planning process and the actual day, here are some of my thoughts while they are still very fresh: Continue reading →
Calling something (or someone) a “bad fit” might not be concerning at first, but an ill-fitting situation can be more devastating than it appears. Some examples from my personal experience:
- Ill-fitting clothes:
- What it feels like: You are fat.
- What it probably is: The dress/pants/shirt/whatever is too small or the cut doesn’t suit your proportions.
- Ill-fitting relationships
- What it feels like: you are a bad person, nobody loves you, you don’t deserve love, something is wrong with you.
- What it probably is: the person you are in a relationship with is not compatible with and/or genuinely interested in you
- Ill-fitting jobs
- What it feels like: You suck, you are incompetent, you are stressed out / anxious all the time, you are a failure
- What it probably is: the job is not properly using your strengths; the working environment is not healthy or supportive; you have no room for creativity/autonomy/growth
I have this inexplicable desire to help people find love and happiness. That might sound cheesy and not entirely sincere, but it’s true. When I see someone stuck in an unhappy job or struggling in the dating world, all I want to do is help them find solutions (after I properly express my empathy and sympathy). I used to think this was only toward my friends, but then I realize I’m just as easily pulled into the stories and travails of strangers and acquaintances. Continue reading →