Author / Halley

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Posts by Halley

I’m the creator of Chiaroscuro, where I write about an array of topics, ranging from philosophy and psychology to fashion and food. Underlying all my interests is my passion for understanding people and how they live. I’m fascinated by the beauty and connections found in everyday life, and my goal is to highlight and share them in personal and meaningful ways.
by Halley

Ill-fitted

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Calling something (or someone) a “bad fit” might not be concerning at first, but an ill-fitting situation can be more devastating than it appears. Some examples from my personal experience:

  • Ill-fitting clothes:
    • What it feels like: You are fat.
    • What it probably is: The dress/pants/shirt/whatever is too small or the cut doesn’t suit your proportions.
  • Ill-fitting relationships
    • What it feels like: you are a bad person, nobody loves you, you don’t deserve love, something is wrong with you.
    • What it probably is: the person you are in a relationship with is not compatible with and/or genuinely interested in you
  • Ill-fitting jobs
    • What it feels like: You suck, you are incompetent, you are stressed out / anxious all the time, you are a failure
    • What it probably is: the job is not properly using your strengths; the working environment is not healthy or supportive; you have no room for creativity/autonomy/growth

 

by Halley

You deserve to be happy and loved

balance business cobblestone conceptual

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I have this inexplicable desire to help people find love and happiness. That might sound cheesy and not entirely sincere, but it’s true. When I see someone stuck in an unhappy job or struggling in the dating world, all I want to do is help them find solutions (after I properly express my empathy and sympathy). I used to think this was only toward my friends, but then I realize I’m just as easily pulled into the stories and travails of strangers and acquaintances. Continue reading →

by Halley

To have child(ren) or not (part 1)

affection baby barefoot blur

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The decision to have children is probably the hardest and scariest decision I will make yet. Though it is not emotionally charged at the moment, I have no doubt the entire process from day 1 will be. Everyone who has ever had a child (and even some who have not) have a million things to say about it, from the very worst to the very best. All of that is both incredibly helpful and not.

What people have said… Continue reading →

by Halley

The Strength Switch – a review & reflections

Self-I truly believe everyone can benefit tremendously from this book. I say this not only because I enjoyed it immensely and finished it in record time, but more importantly because it addresses one of the most common pitfalls, the negativity bias, and teaches us how to identify and use strengths in our lives and the lives of those around us. The books is written for parents and expounds on the principals and application of strength based parenting, but its teachings are universally applicable and will benefit everyone. Continue reading →

by Halley

Three pillars of happiness

pexels-photo-164268.jpeg

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It occurred to me over lunch today that happiness can be summed up to the following: doing what you find meaningful, being around people you love, and having good mental and physical health. Following this, every decision should be evaluated by these three criteria – does it help you do what you find meaningful? does it bring closer to further from the people you love? how does it affect your physical and mental well being?

I like this framework because a) it’s easy enough to remember and apply, b) it’s broad enough to capture virtually all aspects of life, and c) it’s general and flexible enough to fit different individuals.

This is not a “solution” to happiness, though. This model won’t help you figure out what is “meaning” work, find love, or figure out how to achieve the optimal level of physical and mental well being. What I hope this achieves is providing an effective and straight-forward standard against which we measure our decisions: does the decision move us closer to happiness?